How do you spell fail? L-E-M-O-N

Ladies and gentlemen, I come as the bearer of bad news.  It has happened.  On Sunday, November 1, 2009, I officially had pie FAIL.  *gasp*  I know, I know.  I'm shocked too.  My head is hanging in shame (yes, even 5 days later).  Some of the pie was even... thrown out.  In the garbage.  To be disposed of and forgotten.  *sigh*

'Twas such a tragedy that not even Alison's score of 74 could save this pie from a mere 58 out of 100.  Yes, the first pie to receive a rating based on my finalized scorecards was a failure.  Definitely not the way I would've liked the newly implemented ratings system to be initiated.  Not at all.

Deep breath...

Wait, what?  You say pie fail has happened before?  Written about in this very blog?  Which one?  The shaker lemon pie?  Ah, yes, I can see how such perceptions can be misconstrued.  You see, while that pie wasn't universally praised or loved, it had some very winning qualities: the crust, the flavor, the custard filling.  The only problem people had with that one was the lemon rinds.  So it wasn't an all-out failure.

But this--this one was only (somewhat) liked by two people.  Two out of eight.  And of those two, a 74 hardly qualifies as tasty.

The recipe was given to me by Lydia, and I can't blame her for this one, because she warned me ahead of time... this was one that she doesn't like, but eats it because it's her dad's favorite and they have it on his birthday.  Which, Lydia, is super sweet of you!

I also can't blame her, or the recipe itself for that matter, because I'm not even entirely sure if I made it right.  Hence the horror!  The shame!  I may have failed on my own pie baking!

Most of the recipe seemed pretty straight forward... Oh!  It was called "Lemon Cheese Pie"... anyway, it started like a cheesecake recipe (cream cheese, sugar, vanilla), and then called for still-liquid lemon jello to be blended in.  Now, here's where part of the problem lay (lie?  I can never remember)... I don't have an electric mixer yet, so mixing it by hand left some lumps still in the batter (I also don't have a whisk... yes, I'm aware how ridiculous that sounds.  Deal.).  So to the lumpy mixture, I was told to add a "whipped" can of evaporated milk.  First, I didn't know how big the can should be (there are two sizes), so I got the bigger one and then left some out to create a happy medium between the two.  Second, I don't know what whipped milk is supposed to look like.  Whipped until whipped cream-y?  Or whipped until it's weirdly bubbly?  I went with the latter, as I was whipping with a fork and my arm got tired.

So I mixed it in and poured it into my homemade graham cracker crust.  Well, it set in the fridge and when we ate it, a few things happened.

Fail #1: The crust adhered to the bottom of the pan so well, everyone was served a side of crust with their pie.
Fail #2: The texture of the pie was uber bizarre.  It looked like cheesecake, but had the texture of creamy jello.
Fail #3: It barely tasted like lemon.
Fail #4: The crust was horrible.  Alison tried to be nice and claim otherwise, but it was ridiculously bad.

So, to solve the reasoning for fail #4, we pulled out the box of graham crackers and tasted them.  Brianne immediately spat out her bite, and the rest of us choked it down.  It was BURNT!  Honest to blog, the graham crackers were burnt.  So basically I'm bringing them back to Walmart to return in exchange for better tasting ones.  F-A-I-L.

Perhaps a garnish would've been nicer.  I'm learning.

Yup.  There it is.  Uhhh....

The only other person who mildly enjoyed the pie was one of my co-workers, but even then it wasn't a favorite.

To give you a better idea, here are some of the comments left on the scorecard:
"It quivers.  Fact.  Food should not quiver."
"Looks like dulce de leche and gross flan."
"Please never tell me what it is the pie."
"...just odd."

So I've come to the conclusion that either lemon is a curse on the world of pie, or I am just not equipped to make a delicious treat out of lemon.  Perhaps I'll give a lemon cheesecake a try.  I will not be beaten!  No, sir, I WON'T!

As for the sticky pie crust, I learned a little tip while watching the Food Network the other day (I watch it waaaaaaaay too much.  Seriously.).  My favorite southern lady in the kitchen, the one and only Paula Deen, was baking a cheesecake and when she smushed her homemade crust into the pan, she baked it for a few minutes before adding the batter.  Genius!  Everytime I've had to bake a pie with the graham crust, it's come out fine... it's just the cold ones that stick.  I don't know why this little lightbulb didn't go off sooner.  Problem solved!

...Hopefully.

So, before I post some Halloween pics, here are the final pie scores.

Overall Pie Scorecard Breakdown (I'm posting the average score in each category):
Appearance (12 out of a possible 20)
Overall Taste (12 out of 25)... ouch
Crust (10 out of 20)
Filling (12 out of 20)
Originality (12 out of 15)
TOTAL: 58/100

One last time, say it with me... FAIL!

Well, at least it's over.  I can put it behind me, hopefully learn a thing or two, and move on.  Which I'm doing now!

Aaaaaaand, some Halloween pics!  One of my favorite holidays (but then again, what holiday isn't one of my favorites?  I go all out for every one of them).

I was candy corn at work, and then I was Hermione!  Or, as one woman said, "a graduate!", to which her daughter replied, "Yeah, from Hogwarts."  I have hope for today's youth.

Papa Murphy's had Jack-o'-lantern pizzas!

Much cuter in the "before" picture, I'm not gonna lie.  Let's call it a sunburn :)

"Ghosts in the Graveyard"... it's a pudding/oreo dessert.  We included the footprint from Paranormal Activity in front there (terrifying movie... I still have trouble falling asleep.  Actually, I have to set the sleep timer on my TV now so I can have noise as I fall asleep... kind of like how my mom sometimes leaves the TV on so my dog doesn't get scared when we're gone.  Pathetic, but true.).  My favorite part about this, though, is the ghosts.  The one in the back center is angry, the one in the back right is sad/scared, and the fat one up front reminds me of Gus (from Cinderella and my cat).  Love it!

Finally, me making a weird face as Hermione, Kaitlin as Minnie (minus the shoes), and Brianne as Professor Trelawny.

So how was your Halloween?!  What'd you do?

Oh, and new poll!  What is your favorite pie accompaniment?